Stress Mess

I was sick the last few days, crippling stomach pains and ear aches. It happened a few years ago too. That time I think it was from stress even though I don’t really remember exactly what I was stressed about. I slept for 16 hours yesterday and so I’m not very tired now. I talked about him all evening with a college friend, to see what she would do if she was me. I thought about letting him back into the house, he is paying rent after all. I talked to my other friend about it online. No one seems to think it’s a great idea but it is niggling at me.

I had to remember that he came to get me when I needed him. I also had to remember that he kissed her and winked at me. That hurt like hell, hurt like hell. I paced the apartment thinking about what was the right thing to do. Is if fair to make him pay when he doesn’t live here. Is it his fault that I hurt so much? Is it my fault that he cries when I get him talking. I need to remember what he has made me go through. I went Facebook stalking. She is beautiful. Long dark hair, deep brown eyes and slim, light brown skin and looks like she walked off the front cover of vogue. It’s not her fault but seeing her photos reminded me of what I have been through and how I deserve better. He will never treat me with the respect I deserve. Each day at a time and I will get through it. I just hope the stomach pains stop soon.

One friend said “Think of the Wink”  That might just have to become my motto.

Advertisement